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lost medallion

June 20, 2007

When I was still a kid, I always hear my mother ask, “kaylan kaya ako makakaakyat sa stage? (when will I go up the stage),” referring to the stage at a commencement exercise. She always dreamed of marching in the aisle of a grand auditorium, going up the stage, and pinning a medal to any of her children.

Neither once nor twice that I heard her throw the question in a sweet voice. Neither once nor twice that I also heard my older siblings say that she can always go up at any stage, at any time of any day. Mother will only return a sigh.

I was in elementary then and just learning my abc’s and 123’s. My mom, having kids going to school dreamed of what every proud parent would like to have - a child with school honors, a medal she can brag… a source of pride.

I finished my elementary being in the upper ten percent of the graduating class. I belong to a class second only to the cream of the crop. But my proud parents and relatives were saying that I am smart. I didn’t believe them; instead, I always give them a frown. I found it cheesy back then to swank what I thought was not meant for bragging.

Among us, five siblings, they say I am the brightest. I belong to higher sections throughout my elementary days, even made it to the first section when I was in third grade, landed in the top ten in grade two and almost bring home honors in grade four, why almost, is another long story.

Closest to me, they say being the brightest is my older sister who held presidency of an average class in high school and was a teacher’s pet. She speaks and composes good English, far better than I am, but suffers in math. I, on the other hand, successfully balanced every subject with no failing grades, not even line of seven, since I stepped in formal schooling. With that my mom, was so happy.

Her hopes were slowly fading since my older siblings were showing no signs of fulfilling her dream, until I entered secondary education being in the top class, she was elated.

The first half of my high school was a slow start. I didn’t show any sign of excelling in this class of elementary valedictorians, salutatorians and top honors. Never in my wildest imagination that I thought of competing with their intellect. They are too bright for me. Nevertheless, I managed to become an associate editor of our school newsletter and was given an opportunity to publish some of my works.

The greatest turn around of my high schooling happened on its last half. During my third year, things transpired unexpectedly. As Coelho said, as if all the universe conspired while everything around me all fell in their proper places. I placed sixth over all on the first quater. During a parents meeting, I saw my mom very elated seing my name listed as one of the top in the class. I've noticed a spark of hope that soon she will be able to pin a medal to one of her children at last. I just watched her in the background while in awe and weird embarassment. Never did I expected to land in the top. The feeling that I offended my other classmates by overtaking them in the race of class honors enveloped me.

After the meeting, I didn't spend time with my mom. I didn't even show my face to her. I just watched her from a distance while leaving the campus. I felt a bit of happiness and sadness. Happiness for making her proud as a mother. Sadness for I know she wanted to spend that happiness with me, that she wanted to hug me that very moment while announcing to the entire universe that I am her son and I managed to get a place on top… but I wasn't there when she was looking at me, I wasn't there. I was hiding.

In our class, I felt the tension. Tension that was overpowered by friendship. We were all shocked but managed to composed ourselves and congratulated those who should be. When the school year ended, I landed on seventh and awarded in the end as one of the school achievers.

Came the last stretch of high school life and I maintained my position. I even named as "Assistant Editor" of our school organ in Filipino - the "Ang Tambuli", the oldest Filipino school newspaper. I managed to represent the school in some contest and brought honors. I was one of the low profile campus figures. Thinking about it, everything happened unexpectedly. But the idea of bringing home a medal in the end is still not sinking in my mind. I was a mediocre student in elementary, now competing with top students.  Oh well, perhaps I was one of the so called "Late Bloomers".

Few days before the commencement exercise, our school principal called us to her office. With me was my eight other classmates in a special science class (the top and brilliant class of my batch) and two from the regular section. That was the moment of truth. The moment we've all been waiting for. One by one, the school principal announced our names and honors..At last, my mother's dream finally came to reality. I was awarded the Sevent Honorable Mention.

It was a mixed emotions of frustration, relief and happiness.

Frustration because we felt betrayed by our own alma mater for giving the highest honor on a regular student, who technically speaking, belongs to the fifth section over all… being in a special science class, we were the first section over all. Relief because finally, I finished high school and in flying colors. Happiness because I know, I will make my parents, most especially my mom, proud. Her dream of going up the stage will finally come to reality.

But instead of bragging to my parents the honor I received, I decided to stay quiet and keep it in secrecy until the graduation day. No one in my family knew what I just achieved. No one. Not until the final day that the once elusive medallion will finally be put on my neck.

Graduation day. The day  that was supposed to be my mother's dream will come true. I was wearing a new polo shirt specially made by my mom for my graduation. My parents and my eldest brother accompanied me to the Folk Arts Theater without any words whatsoever of that medallion. I told my parents that I need someone to accompany me since it is required for all students in our special class. My mom asked my dad to be with me.

"The Seventh honorable Mention is awarded to…."

Me and my dad walked to the stage. They handed that medallion to my dad, and he put it on my neck. 

That was it. That was the moment my mom was waiting for so long. I believe I was the only one in that grand auditorium who reserved the right for parents to know the achievement their child received until the final day of ceremony. I saw the shock and happiness in my father's face. In my mind that time, was to let the day pass and get over it. It was just a metal. Just an ordinary metal hanging on my neck. I put it off when I returned to my seat, placed it on its box and handed it to my father seating behind me, while the other honor recepients walked up the stage, most with their mom, some with both their father and mother.

My abnormality did not end there. After the ceremony, I told my parents that I will not be able to go home with them since we have a party. I turned down a supposed family moment and decided to be with my classmates. We hanged out till midnight without thinking of my family…. of my parents…. of my mom. Later did I know that they celebrated on their own. They celebrated my victory without my presence… only with that piece of metal. The truth was, I felt ashamed. I am not used to being the center of family attention. I am not used to bragging and receiving flaterring words. I preffered to be a low profile. I love it that way.

The next morning, I didn't hear any words or discussions about my accomplishment. Well not with my presence. But I know they talked about it when I was not around. I know they were happy. But deep inside my mom's heart, I felt her sadness, I felt the pain and frustration… Her words echoed to my ears once more… "Kelan kaya ako makakaakyat ng stage?" And I felt bad. Really bad.

I deprived my mom of her dream. I deprived her of that very moment she always wanted to be in. I denied her wish to conquer the stage. I was selfish.

For me, that medallion was just a piece of metal. For her it was a bar of gold.

I regret that day.  

If there is one moment in my lifetime that I wanted to change, that was the moment I was on the stage. 

Never again did I hear my mom said "Kelan kaya ko makakaakyat sa stage?"

Ten years after, I remembered the medallion, but I can't find it anymore. 

I am sorry mom.



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geez i love this post. i caaaaan relate into it.

when i was in elementary, i’m also an honor student. it stopped when i was grade three, due to my addiction to playstation.

then i made my comeback at grade four.

and a lucky comeback when i was in 2nd year.

buong elementary cream-section ako. tas nung 3rd year HS, cream din ako.

i’ve heard my parents tell me kung kelan daw kaya sila ULIT makakaakyat ng stage. na-realize ko na may expectation pala sila saken.

pakituloy naman! nakakabitin! =))

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Say to the "small yue yue" Jordan 4 Retro event, is still the heartache of people, the scene is never forget.

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Trigger this "exclamation, see today called the English version of a" small yue yue "incident reports.
According to Hong Kong’s Jordan Retro 9 Ming pao news Supra Vaider High Tops reports, the Chinese mainland last year there little jinfenshijia Jordan 5 Fusion will die storm, moving to cool the moral issues and thin, similar situation in the UK now also occur. Britain is a 14-year-old boy on his way to school last week, in the electrical station faint, lie down on the platform for 10 minutes, the morning Jordan Retro 8 rush of electricity in time the Supra TK Society High Tops station to no one to help, the boy mother Supra Society Mid Shoes anger boom act, accused the social cool thin.

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